He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
