Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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