ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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