Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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