I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
