I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
