Already got asked if we're dating
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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