Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
