Only a mothe r could love this liver
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
