Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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