I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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