I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
