if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
third nipple confirmed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
