WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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