the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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