ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
