no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
