were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
