can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Congratulations! We have a period
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