i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
