No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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