bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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