I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love having hate sex.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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