Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
