No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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