Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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