we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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