I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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