I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize