I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
