Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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