that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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