Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
