If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
