there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize