im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
