This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wish there were birth control emojis
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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