There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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