we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Still dying that you shit outside
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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