I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
