Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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