Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
