Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
