apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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