I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
