ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
