Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
