he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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