i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
