pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
