I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
