It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
