Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
