Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
