I accidentally burped into my bong.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think pants incapable of making pants work
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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