He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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