Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize