Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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