my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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