I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
