Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
