i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
