what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
