I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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