Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
whose parrot is this?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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