I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
