Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
