after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my being single is dangerous.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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