i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
