There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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