I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize