Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
